By Coletta Renee, founder Tia's Foundation
Like many others, my journey to understanding the AIDS epidemic has not been an easy one. Although I participated in AIDS Walks for as far back as I can remember, I never really understood the real reason why so many were making quilts, sharing their personal stories and raising money until AIDS appeared on my own doorstep.
In 1993, my aunt, who also happened to be my best friend, called me to tell me that she was infected. Speechless, I hung up without even realizing it. When I called her back, I could tell that she had been crying and hadn't had much sleep.
So many questions entered my mind..."How long had she been infected?" "Who infected her? " "Was her fiancé at risk?" I had so many questions but my heart ached too much to ask. The only question I could muster up to ask was "How did you get it?" Her response was even more shocking than the news itself. She told me that her fiancée had infected her.
In a matter of moments, my whole world had turned upside down.
I wanted to cry, scream, curse; display every emotion known to man but I didn't. I simply told her that I was on my way to her house so that we could go out for ice cream. As I drove to her house, I was filled with so many emotions but could not explain one of them. My mind raced...How could my life go on without my best friend since birth? She was my mother's baby sister and was only three years older than me so she was more like a big sister to me than an aunt. I needed to understand what and why this was happening but nothing made sense. 1993 was a year of a great joy and great pain for me. Years later I came to understand that joy and pain can not reside in the same place so I chose eternal joy.Driving to her house seemed like a blur. I just remember her standing outside of her apartment building like a little child waiting to be picked up. As she walked to my car, my mind drifted back to a time when w
e'd play in our blow up pool in my grandmother's yard naked; me, my uncle and Tiajuana; a time of innocence. Even when I think about her today, my mind goes back to that day. She was always so protective of me because I was the baby. Now it was my time to be protective of her. When she got in the car, I looked at her and smiled because I knew that we were beginning a new chapter of our lives. That day, we didn't discuss her news; we went about our day as if nothing happened. We did our usual; we got manicures and pedicures and topped it off at Baskin and Robbins for ice cream. We didn't discuss it until we were forced to...years later.
One night on Thanksgiving when my ex- husband, son and I were having dinner, I got a frantic call. "Coletta, please come take me to the hospital." Without question, I left my family and drove to her house. She was bleeding from her rectum and could not stop defecating on herself. As I drove at record speed to the hospital, my only focus was to get her help. I didn't realize that my passenger seat was soiled and that she was sweating and shaking uncontrollably. By this time, I had been her only caregiver for 6 years but now this disease was out of control. It seemed like it took over her body overnight.
When we arrived at the hospital, I felt dizzy and at a total loss. The doctor asked me to come into the room so that he could share with me her diagnosis. The only thing I remember him saying was lesions, loss of bowels, anal bleeding and power of attorney. The next 4 years were spent going back and forth to the hospital; she being the pillar of strength and me trying to find some normalcy in all of this. I had to keep my sanity for my son but she needed me more than anyone. As I watched her lose an enormous amount of weight, her skin turn from honey colored to gray and her hair thin, I realized that she was dying and I couldn't do anything for her. Two days after she completely lost her sight on her death bed, I told her that it was alright to leave me because I'd be alright. As I stood in her room, I heard her take her last breath.
For anyone who has survived being a caregiver to a loved one who has succumbed to complications from AIDS, it's a tough journey. Everyday I find new ways of living through my pain but because of my faith in God, I know that she's in a better place; far from ridicule, judgment and uncompassionate people. I formed Tia's Foundation in her honor as a way of empowering and educating young women like her. We were all created for a purpose....God used her to help me find my purpose....Have you found yours?
Coletta Renee
Tia's Foundation
http://www.tiasfoundation.org
Comments: (99)
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By: Sonya on 1/24/2008 1:39AM
Thank you for sharing what I believe was a very personal journey into your purpose so that others might be blessed by your story. I had a sister who was diagnoised with HIV some yrs. ago, although the diease never took control of her body in that way it was still the catylast that robbed her of a full life. My sister allowed fear of dying with aids spiral her into alcoholism which eventually killed her.
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By: Sergio on 1/25/2008 8:11PM
May she rest in peace.
This is really shocking.My cousins dad also died of HIV.My cousin really doesnt know why her dad died.The worst part is that My aunt is taking care of her and she doesnt know nothing and thinks my aunt is her real mother when she isnt.People need to learn to
use Protection especially teens now and days.
The word needs to be out their. And good luck with your foundation.
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By: 100 % REAL on 1/29/2008 12:15AM
PEOPLE ARE NOT TAKING HIV/AIDS SERIOUS UNTIL IT HITS HOME.PEOPLE WRAP IT UP EVEN IF YOU ARE MARRIED OR ENGAGED OR JUST IN A RELATIONSHIP. NO ONE IS SPECIAL IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYBODY SO IF YOU WANT TO LIVE WRAP UP. IT STILL FEELS THE SAME. SAY NO TO DRUGS. YES IT HAS HIT MY HOME TOO
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By: Joy Marie on 1/29/2008 1:22PM
WAKE UP WOMEN:
When are we going to start valuing our bodies. We must stop sleeping with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, who shows us a little attention. We Must stop sleeping with men who we know are cheating with every woman in sight. We must stop sleeping with married men. We have to stop sleeping with men who are in and out of prison. WE HAVE TO USE PROTECTION ALWAYS!!! Even if you're married...if your intuition is telling you your husband is not being faithful, believe it and stop sleeping with him. I found out my husband was sleeping with men...my intuition (God's Warning) was my first clue. I divorced him. Go to http://www.straightuptruth.com and order the book about down-low men. Ladies, we must protect ourselves. Please stop the madness.
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By: Felicia on 2/19/2008 7:37PM
Coletta: I wish there were more people in the world like yourself. Ones who put the lives of other before their own, without shame or guilt. Your story helped somebody, and that somebody may help another. GOD Bless you, and it's wonderful to know you.
Always,
FEE
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By: Rosie L. Crawford on 3/17/2008 9:49PM
It is a very sad story. I was very sexaul active when I was a teenager and as an adult. I thank God everyday that I do not Aids. It was not because of my life style but by the mercy of God. Everyone do not get that chance. If I could reach one child today, I would tell them to protect themself and do not think sex is all there is. Be absentness
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By: BARBARA on 3/08/2008 4:25PM
Coletta,I'm sorry for your loss.I just did the walk for life AIDS awarness,my uncle died a few years ago he hand a brain tumor but also Hiv positive. I really think that caused his dimise sooner than later.
THANKS BARBARA
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By: Meko on 4/19/2008 11:25PM
My heart goes out to you in so many ways. I truly understand how you feel. I lost my cousin on the 19th of last month. So you see my wound is still fresh and trying to heal. I know that with god's help everything will be okay. I was told on Christmas Day of last year that he was very ill. I guess the time had come to let everyone know in the family.He wanted no questions to be asked,just support. My family wasn't ashamed we all just wanted to give him the support and love that he needed at that time. We would text on a regular basis just to keep up on what was going on with him. I still have his last text on my phone,especially the one telling me he loves us. When things like this happen in your life you become more aware of situations. I researched so much information on AIDS. I just had to know everything about this disease that was talking my cousin. My aunt supported him thru it all. She told a FMLOA and helped him make his final transion home. Your story reminded me of her story that is why I commented on this. God will bless you for the support that you showed your auntie. I will keep you in prayer and please do the same for my family. God Bless
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By: victoria sanders on 12/25/2007 10:43PM
Wow your story is so hart felt for me,It brought tears to my eye`s,My life has been touch by this also and its hard.I married a man we was married for 7 years and one day a knock at my door turned my world upside down,he was infected and I had to go be tested my life has not been the same, and to make matters worse he is still married to his frist wife so our marriage is not valed....life is so unfare
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By: Lisa on 12/20/2007 10:38PM
What a sad story, I had a very close cousin who went thru the same thing,an ex girlfriend infected him , and in turn he infected his next girlfriend, he passed away a year ago, but his girlfriend is now living with hiv, it is very hard to see people go thru that, his situation has open my eyes to a lot of things concerning the disease, what ever happen to the man who infected her with the disease? I truly hope he is not still infecting other women,May god bless you for being strong enough for the both of you ....
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